Silence Broken
by imaginarybird
Summary: In the aftermath of New Years, Riley has a heart to heart with her mom. Then things get complicated. Rucas. Complete.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own GMW. My use of the characters is just for fun.

Notes: Barring any complications, the second part of this will be up within the next couple of days.

* * *

"So Riley, is there a particular reason that you've locked your bay window and you're not seeing anyone?"

When her mom slides next to her on the bed, Riley automatically shifts her position to lean against her. "You mean Farkle hasn't just _told_ everyone?" She doesn't try very hard to keep the bitterness out of her voice when she thinks about New Years. It's easy for Farkle to say that there shouldn't be secrets among friends—it wasn't his heart, feelings and relationships the secret was meant to protect. And she knows the argument can be made that she did the same thing to Maya in Texas, but at least it was only in front of their group around the fire; Farkle's revelation had been in front of their entire class.

She can still feel everyone's eyes on her. Can still hear Yogi's awkward exit as everyone rushed to leave the party. The embarrassment she had to get over to out herself over the Riley Awards is nothing compared to this mountain of shame.

"No, I've heard about that from everyone." Topanga admits, sliding her arm around Riley's shoulders. "But I'm not asking what happened. I'm asking why you're not talking to anyone to try and resolve it."

"What exactly am I supposed to say?" It had taken everything in her power not to bolt from the roof with everyone else that night. She hadn't been able to come up with any words then, and in the three days since she still hasn't managed. There's not a single scenario she can imagine now where things go back to the way they were. At least before New Years things had mostly been normal even if she wasn't happy.

Now they know she lied.

Now they know she still has feelings and they're just sitting like a heavy cloud in between all of them.

Now nobody's happy and it's all her fault.

Topanga sighs. "I can't answer that for you, sweetie. Only you know what you're feeling and only you can decide how you want to handle things now."

Least helpful parental talk ever. Her mom may be right, but right now all Riley wants is for someone to tell her 'this is what you did wrong, this is what you can do to fix it'. That or a time machine. Given the Minkus family's tendency towards towards genius inventions the latter seems more likely but she'd probably have to talk to Farkle in order to use it and that leaves her stuck hoping for the first one.

"Riley, why did you lie to Lucas and tell him you loved him like a brother?" Topanga asks after a long silence.

"Because Maya had been hiding her feelings for him and she deserves a chance at-,"

"That's the reason you gave everyone else." Her mom counters. "And I'm sure it's true. But I think there are other reasons too. Reasons that you haven't been sharing. I want to know about _those_."

It's like being put on the spot in math class on a day when they're covering new material, only it's her mother putting on the pressure. Riley pulls out of the embrace and crosses her arms over her chest. "I thought only I know what I'm feeling."

Topanga takes the thinly veiled jab with grace. "Knowing that there's more to the story is not the same as knowing what it is."

Riley hesitates before answering; she knows her mom isn't going to go running to the rest of her class, but she might still tell her dad, which will probably lead to a thinly veiled lesson in the last couple of days before graduation which is _pretty much_ the same thing. He'd probably even come up with a ridiculous group project to force them all into talking and spending time together and give everyone else another free show. That's not anything she's looking to deal with.

"I could guess if you'd rather." Her mom offers. "Like...were you worried that if things were to get more serious with Lucas and they didn't work out that you'd stop being friends?"

Riley's head snaps over to her mom, eyes wide. "How did you know that?"

"Because," Topanga leans down to nudge Riley's shoulder with hers, " _that_ is the reason your father and I broke up for the first time."

"I thought you only broke up once. When that ski lodge thing happened."

"No. That was the second time. The first was a lot earlier, and neither of us really understood relationships. We were getting comfortable with each other and decided that somehow, that was a bad thing, and I was convinced that if relationships went on too long or got too serious that all breakups would end in bitter feelings, so we chose to break up before that could happen."

At least now Riley knows she's not stupid. Her mom is the most intelligent person she knows and it says something that she understands the potential for disaster hidden in romantic relationships. The breakup in that particular instance may have been wrong, but no other relationship can be compared to her parents'. The odds of meeting your soulmate when you're in preschool are astronomical, and the odds that everything worked out for them so well even higher. "Then you understand."

"I do." Her mom nods slowly. "But I also know now that I was wrong back then."

"I'm sorry, what?"

"Not every long, serious relationship ends with two angry people who can't stand the sight of each other." She clarifies. "Look at Shawn and Angela. You saw them at the cafe. Did it look like they hated each other?"

"No, but they weren't exactly friends either."

Again, Topanga agrees. "No, they weren't. Do you want to know who else isn't exactly friends with Angela anymore?"

"Someone _else_ she dated seriously for a few years?" Riley huffs, unable to rein in her sarcasm when she's feeling so off kilter. Why would her mother make her think that she was making the right choice only to just as quickly pull the rug out from under her and call her wrong?

Topanga bypasses responding to the snark once more. "Me." Riley doesn't have a response to that. She has no idea where her mom is going now. "Sweetie, I'm going to tell you something that you probably don't want to hear, and you probably won't believe me. It's not the prettiest truth in the world. But it _is_ the truth, and I wish I had someone telling me this when I was your age.

"In all likelihood, the friends that you have now are not the friends you're going to have by the time you're my age, or when you graduate college. Maybe not even by the time you graduate high school."

"But that doesn't make any-,"

"People change. They find new interests, they go to different schools, they grow apart." Her mom cuts her off with a shrug. "Angela was my best friend. We shared a dorm room, an apartment...she was my maid of honor. But our lives got very different when she went to Europe with her dad and I went to New York with Cory. It wasn't anyone's fault. We just didn't have as much to talk about. We made other friends, had different experiences, and eventually we just stopped reaching out to each other.

"Riley, I know you love your friends now. Maya, Farkle, Lucas...even Zay. But you're growing up and exploring the world and things are changing for all of you. You're finding new interests. You have cheerleading, Maya has art. Both of those things, and what ever else you might discover in high school are going to take up your time and bring new experiences and friends, and who knows? The people you see yourself spending the rest of your life with right now may still be your best friends for the rest of your life, but they might not even be on your radar in a few years. And that's OK. It happens to almost everyone."

No offense to her mom, but that stinks. How is this a problem-solving pep-talk? _'No, Riley, I can't give you any help on how to fix things with your friends or not feel so embarrassed. In fact, you should know that your friends probably aren't going to stick around anyways.'_ If this is the best her mom can do, maybe she should suffer through the public humiliation of a departure from the history class syllabus. At least her dad tends to lead them towards actual answers...

"So I shouldn't have bothered trying to save my friendship with Lucas because it probably wasn't going to last anyways? That's great."

This time, Topanga doesn't ignore Riley's tone, and gives her a vaguely warning look. "That's not what I'm trying to tell you. My point is that nobody knows what's going to happen in the next few days, let alone the next few months, or years. You can't go through life basing your choices on what-ifs. That's the only sure way I know that you'll end up unhappy."

"That doesn't make any sense." Riley protests. "I was just trying to make sure we'd all be friends."

"Because you care about them and you think it would hurt to not have them around anymore." Topanga prompts.

"Exactly."

"Don't you think that you'll come to care about other people the same way? Are you going to refuse to take a chance on them so nothing ever changes?"

It starts to click in Riley's head. If she doesn't take any chances with the people she cares about, like Lucas, then all she'll ever do is watch other people be happy with them. While she stands off to the side and pretends to be happy _for_ them.

And if what her mom is saying is true, you might as well take the chance that things might get messed up, because they might get messed up anyways.

Unfortunately, none of this really helps her now. She doesn't know what she can say to make things go back to normal from where they've ended up. It's not like Maya and Lucas and the entire grade are just going to forget what Farkle said; everyone knows that her feelings for Lucas aren't platonic or brotherly now and Riley can't imagine a scenario where two people who like each other would want to spend a ton of time with a third wheel who has feelings for one of them. Not that she'd want to interfere when they're happy, but why would they want to take the risk?

It's enough to make her lose all hope. By trying to make everyone but herself happy she's destroyed all of her friendships.

"I've ruined everything, haven't I?"

"Oh sweetie..." Topanga pulls her back into her arms again. "You might have some work to do, and things might not go back to how they were, but I don't think you've ruined anything."

Riley doesn't get to respond. There's a loud, insistent knock, not from her door but from her window. When she looks over she finds Lucas and Maya crowded on the fire escape. Lucas is carrying a plastic shopping bag. Maya is pointing rather insistently at her ring.

Apparently it doesn't matter that she has none of the answers. Maya's calling ring power, and Riley can't ignore that, even if she is dreading what will come of it.

Crap.

Her mom slides off the bed and walks over to undo the latch on the window. "I'll leave you kids to talk." And then she just goes. Leaving Riley on her bed (probably looking like an absolute mess because she's been sulking there for a few days) and Lucas and Maya crawling in through the bay window.

"Riley, we need to talk."

Riley's so frozen in the moment that she's not even sure which one of them says the dreaded words. It feels like all she can do now is delay the inevitable, no matter what her mom says, and it's all she can do not to turn away from them. "There's nothing to talk about." If they don't talk, Maya and Lucas can't tell her that they don't want to be friends anymore; she might not be able to hang out with them anyways because they'll still try to talk but at least it won't be officially over.

"Yes there is." This time she knows it's Maya. "Riley, Farkle said-,"

"What Farkle said doesn't mean anything." She counters quickly.

Lucas is staring her down. "He said you still love me. Is it true?"

She jumps off of the bed to avoid his eyes and rushes over to her desk. She doesn't have to look at either of them there, she just has to mess around with the papers and books on her desk like she's looking for something important. "It doesn't matter."

"Of course it matters." Maya scoffs. "Riley, if you still love Lucas then you need to-,"

"What?" Riley turns on her heels, hair flying behind her. "I need to what? Talk about it? Give you guys all the details you need to make sure you want me out of your lives?"

"That's not why we're here!"

"My feelings are _my_ feelings. They're my problem, not anyone else's and it doesn't matter what they are because you guys are happy, and nobody gets to stand in the way with that. So...I'm sorry that Farkle made you curious and all that, but it's my business, not yours. And I'm dealing with it."

The room falls into thick silence and once again Riley feels like she can't move. Maya and Lucas are staring, practically in shock, and her chest feels a little like sinking in on itself every time she exhales. She doesn't even know how long things stay that way, but eventually Maya walks over, grabs her hand and pulls her down to sit on the floor. She sits across from her, crossing her legs.

"What if we're not?" She asks softly.

It's enough to break Riley's own panic. For the moment, Maya is still her best friend and she's got a lost, half-way devastated look in her eyes; Riley has to at least try and fix that. "What if you're not what?"

"Happy."

Lucas slides down off of the bay window bench, joining them on the floor. "None of us have have been talking since Texas. Not really. And none of us know really know what's going on because of that. We should have sat down when all of this started and talked to each other, but we didn't and now things are broken. I don't know about you, but the only way I can think of to fix it is to do what we should have done back then."

"So….we're just gonna sit on my floor and talk until you get the answers you want?"

Maya nods towards Lucas, who starts pulling something out of his bag. "Hopefully we'll all get some answers."

He removes a board game. _The Honesty Game_. Written in bold colorful letters with a picture showing a group playing and having the time of their lives. _All the_ _questions you have about your friends_ _that you've been too polite to ask._

It seems like an extraordinarily bad idea. But her judgment has been off lately. She thought that stepping back was a good idea and look where that got her.

Riley sighs and waves her hand toward the box. "Let's play."


	2. Chapter 2

Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed, followed, and favorited! Here's part two.

* * *

The Honesty Game isn't all that different from The Couples Game except the questions can be about anything.

When they open the box and check the directions Riley finds out that they'll take turns drawing cards and answering the questions on them honestly. No eating of the cards allowed. The game technically ends after everyone answers 3-7 questions (depending on how many people are playing) but they agree to set a timer for an hour and see how they feel when the time is up. They also agree that the fairest playing order would be alphabetical, so Lucas is the first to draw a card.

"Do you believe in love at first sight?" He exhales heavily after reading it. "Wow. OK. They really aren't playing around with these questions."

Maya leans back on her hands. "That's why we bought it, Hop-Along. We can't get to the bottom of this if we keep tip-toeing around everything."

Riley doesn't actually think the question is all that bad. It could be way more personal; this is just an opinion. And not even one that could make or break a relationship. If this is what the game is going to be like she's not quite so worried anymore.

It still takes Lucas a few moments to answer. "I don't. I don't think love at first sight is a thing."

"You don't think two people can meet eyes for the first time and have a connection?" Maya looks over.

"I think that's attraction." He explains. "And love is deeper than that. That doesn't mean a person can't fall really hard, really fast, but I don't think love can be instant."

That makes sense. Riley's not sure if she agrees (too many of the stories her parents told her growing up relied on the idea of soulmates and knowing the instant you meet someone if they're yours for her not to have some hope that such a thing might exist) but she also doesn't think anything he said was necessarily wrong. And she's definitely feeling better about the game. There wasn't anything painful about that. "OK, so Maya. You're up."

Maya leans forward to take the next card on the pile. "What is the biggest lie you ever told? Really?" She scoffs and tosses the card to the side. "Do they want the whole list or just the top five?" It's not that Maya's a liar, she just doesn't like to let that many people in. Or get into trouble when she does something wrong.

"How about the one that bothers you the most now?" Riley suggests.

"I..." Maya trails off, picking at the fraying hole in her jeans. "After I pretended to be you during that yearbook thing, you asked me if I had learned anything about you. I lied and said no."

"Right." Riley nods. "I already know about that. You figured out why I liked Lucas."

Maya corrects her. "I figured out why I _thought_ you liked Lucas. And at first I didn't tell you because I thought you needed to figure it out on your own, but that night my mom was asking me how it went and she told me she was actually surprised that I was able to pull being you off because she knows you're pretty much my sister and she said with acting, when you have strong emotions for someone, it's like you're too close to see straight. I realized that maybe I hadn't figured out what I thought I had."

Huh. Maybe the game really is going to be as bad as she had thought. She definitely hadn't been expecting Maya to reveal anything about _their_ friendship. And she can't figure out where this answer is headed. "Sooooo...if you thought that maybe you weren't right, why didn't you talk to me about it?"

"Because. If I talked to you, maybe you would have told me that I was wrong. And as long as I didn't, I could pretend that I was right, and that you would realize things on your own eventually. As long as I pretended I was right, I didn't have to feel guilty about what I was feeling."

They're not supposed to ask too many follow-up questions in order to keep the game moving, but Riley doesn't need to for this. Because Maya's talking about Lucas. And Riley's not sure what she's supposed to feel about that. She's known about Maya's feelings, known that she stepped back a long time ago, but she never thought Maya had done anything at all about them. And lying to deal with your guilt feels a lot like doing something.

She hurries to grab her card before she can think about it too much. "What are you most self-conscious about?" At least it's no big secret that she's insecure. Nothing she says will be a surprise if they know her at all. "I've really tried to own being the happy-go-lucky klutz. I know it's part of what makes me, me and that the people who matter don't usually care that I can be so...quirky. But I still don't really like it. The way people look at me, and treat me sometimes... it makes me feel like I'm the goofy sidekick in my own life." Riley shoves the pile of cards towards Lucas; she doesn't really want for the conversation to go deeper. That's not what this is supposed to be about.

"What is your definition of beauty?"

Riley can't keep her eyes from darting towards Maya when Lucas reads his next card. She remembers all too well how Zay had said Lucas had described her. The blonde beauty. And she was the pretty brunette. Pretty. You call something pretty when it's nice, but not as good as something beautiful.

It's a bit like a sucker punch that this question comes up right after she talks about her insecurities, and Riley immediately tries to steel herself for the answer. She doesn't want to react and make anyone feel bad for their honesty.

"Beauty is...quiet."

Maya quirks an eyebrow and the corners of her mouth turn up at Lucas' answer. "Are you saying you like your girls quiet, Huckleberry?"

"Not quiet girls." He rolls his eyes. "Just...quiet. Nothing flashy or hectic. The moments where you don't need to say anything because everything's understood. That's beauty."

Riley's still trying to figure out what on earth he means or why he's looking at her when Maya grabs her next question.

"Oh my...you have _got_ to be kidding me." She groans. "Do you think it's possible to be in love with two people at the same time?" The silence falls quickly. They all know it's the question that she avoided on New Years. It's not surprising that the game makers recycled a few questions between the games, but it seems a little incredible that Maya would draw the same card both times. And this time she has to give an answer.

They wait for Maya to say something, but no answer comes. After two minutes pass, Riley prompts her, mindful of the imposed time limit.

"No. You can't be in love with two people at once." She says, lifting her head to face them again. "If you think you're in love with more than one person you're confused, and you need to get your head on straight. There's always gonna be something that tips the scales one way or other and you have to figure out what it is." The moment she finishes she tells Riley to take her next card.

"Tell the room about your most awkward date." Riley doesn't even need to think about that one. She tells them about her movie date with Charlie, where there was practically no talking, but Charlie was still so eager and excited and she couldn't even muster up the enthusiasm to focus on the movie. She tries to glance over the reasoning, even though she knows they can put it all together. They all know when the date took place.

"Have you ever let someone take the blame for something you did?" Lucas reads his next question. He shakes his head. "No. I almost did back in Texas, but in the end I came clean. That's how I ended up here."

Riley has to remind herself not to ask for more information. She had promised herself that she would let Lucas talk about his past on his own time, and she doesn't want now to be the moment that she breaks it; asking during a game about honesty would be forcing his hand and unfair. The new details make it hard to resist, and Maya looks just as tempted—even has her mouth open to say something—but Riley points to the cards and jumps in instead. "Your turn Maya."

Maya shoots her a pointed look, wriggling her eyebrows, but when Riley points a second time, grabs the card. "Who are you jealous of? Ooh, that one's easy." She puts the it down on the discard pile. "I get jealous of Riley all the time."

She says it so matter-of-factly that it's clear that she thinks this was something obvious but Riley feels herself shaking her head anyways. "Why would you be jealous of me? You're gorgeous and funny and cool. Everyone wants to _be_ you. What do I possibly have to make you jealous?"

"You're kidding, right?" Maya blinks. "Riley, your life is like...perfect. There's always someone there to take care of you if you need it. You have the best family, and they're always around for you. You have a million friends, you barely have to try to do well in school...Why wouldn't I be jealous of that?"

"But you have all of that too. My family _is_ your family. My friends _are_ your friends. We'd help you with school if you wanted us to." Riley reaches over to grab her friend's hand.

Maya squeezes her hand and flashes her a watery smile. "I know. But it's not the same as having it for myself sometimes." She lets go. "You should pick your next question."

For the first time in the game, Riley doesn't want to move on. This feels important, like a key to understanding Maya that she hasn't been given before now, and maybe if she could wrap her mind around it she could understand more about what's been going on. The one thing that's felt clear to her since she noticed Maya's feelings in Texas is that she's been missing things about her. How else could she have gone over a year without realizing what her friend had done for her?

But she has to keep the game moving. They all agreed.

"Have you ever felt betrayed by somebody in the room?"

Riley watches the way Maya's eyes dart to Lucas before she looks at the floor and starts picking at the carpet. Maya obviously thinks she knows the answer but Riley doesn't feel betrayed by that; you can't control your feelings, you can only choose whether or not you act on them, and Maya had done the right thing and waited. Nobody had done anything that they hadn't been given permission to do. Except for what Maya had just told her about keeping her ideas about Riley's feelings a secret, and even then, Riley has a hard time calling that a betrayal. Betrayal is something so much bigger. Even in their most serious fights nothing comes close to what she thinks of as a betrayal.

She takes a moment to contemplate Lucas. Her first instinct is to say no, because if there's one thing she can say with confidence about Lucas Friar, it's that he would go out of his way to avoid hurting his friends, but a split second later it hits her. The icy wave that had washed over her when Zay had arrived at the beginning of the year and started spilling secrets.

"I didn't like finding out that you had kept so much of who you were before you came here a secret, Lucas."

Maya's head snaps back up, brow furrowed.

Riley continues. "I had trusted a lot of myself to you and it hurt to realize you weren't doing the same with me. I understand now that you were trying to leave that part of you behind, because it's not who you want to be, but it still hurt to find out that there was a whole side to you I knew nothing about."

"That's fair." Lucas nods. "I had plenty of opportunities to open up and I didn't, even after I knew how easy you were to talk to." He takes his next card. "What is something that the person to your left has done that really bothers you?" Lucas looks to his left, chewing on the inside of his cheek.

Maya's head tilts to the side and she looks up at Lucas through the corners of her eyes. "Do your worst, Huckleberry."

He still hesitates, but after a moment gives his answer. "I didn't like when you dumped your smoothie over my head on our date."

"I warned you I was gonna do that."

"If I didn't start talking. But I did. I tried to tell you a story about something important to me."

"Yeah, but it was a story you told Riley."

"So when I told it to her it was supposed to lose it's meaning to me? That's not how it works."

"You didn't get mad at me in the cafe."

"Because I know it's who you are. Getting mad wasn't going to change that. But the card asked what bothered me. And it bothered me that you dismissed me like that."

Riley frowns, listening to the exchange. It's not what she expected. She's seen Lucas ask Maya to stop doing things before and seen Maya continue...That seems like it would bother him more than Maya interrupting a story. Based on what Maya told her, the kind of relationship that they have isn't as much about sharing and talking, so it stands to reason that that shouldn't be what bothers him. Except apparently it is.

She knows she's missing something and it feels like all of the pieces are dangling right in front of her but she can't reach them.

"I didn't realize it was that important to you." Maya is saying softly when Riley tunes back in. "I was just...doing our thing." She takes her next card. "How long have you been into your current crush? Hoo, well..." She exhales forcefully, rubbing her hands over the tops of her thighs. "I don't think there's been a time since we were eleven that I haven't felt _something_ for Josh…"

Her uncle's name seems to slam into Riley's chest like a truck. Didn't Maya liking Lucas mean that was over?

"When it comes to Huckleberry here…" Maya thinks for a brief moment. "I guess I started looking at him differently when we all got detention at the beginning of the year, and then I really started feeling differently when he fought to keep the arts program for me."

If her still liking Josh was a truck to Riley's senses, the timing of her feelings for Lucas are more like a house falling on top of her. Maya is supposed to have liked him since they met, the same as Riley, only she stepped back to give Riley a chance. That's the only way it makes any sense; it's the only way it doesn't hurt.

Riley doesn't think you can control your feelings, not really, but it still feels like a betrayal that Maya's feelings for Lucas came well after she knew how serious Riley's own feelings for him were. Why would you let yourself look at someone like that when you knew your best friend felt strongly about him?

She hurries to grab her next card again. Dealing with a question of her own and changing the subject is better than trying to process all of that. "Which relationship appeals to you more, wild and passionate or calm and quiet?"

Riley glances down at her phone, the one running the timer, before she responds. They only have a few minutes left before it goes off and they decide whether or not they've gotten the answers they need. If she draws this out a little, they might not get back around to her again. She knows compared to Maya and Lucas she's had a fairly lucky draw and hasn't had to reveal anything that she's uncomfortable with them knowing. Given how shaken and jumbled she's starting to feel, it's hard not to consider taking her time on what she sees as an easy question; every time she draws another card she risks having to tell them something she doesn't want to. But it would be selfish of her to try and avoid that, and unfair to Maya and Lucas, who are only playing the game as instructed, so as much as she would like to, she resolves to be concise in her answer.

"I mean...I don't think any relationship should be without passion, but I think you can have that without things being crazy...I'd much rather be with someone where things are calm and secure."

Maya huffs out a breezy-half chuckle and shakes her head. Riley wants to ask her what she's laughing at, but Lucas draws his next card before she can.

"What do you think is most important in a relationship? This." He drops the card on the discard pile. "You can't have a good relationship—any kind of a relationship—if you can't talk to each other and be honest."

"And listen to each other." Maya tacks on, looking between Riley and Lucas.

"Exactly. I don't think a relationship can last without real communication."

Maya takes her turn. "If you could go back in time to change one decision that you've made, what would it be?" She turns so she's facing Riley directly. "I'd go back to that rodeo and actually say something when you tried talking to me about my feelings. I stayed silent, and I think you left thinking you understood the situation, but you couldn't have understood it because I didn't understand it. I knew that I had feelings, like you said, but I was still trying to figure out what they were...how strong they were...Maybe if I had said something, you wouldn't have pushed so hard to get us together and make us happy...Maybe things wouldn't have gotten this far."

Riley's starting to wish that too. Maybe she could suck up talking to Farkle if meant access to a time machine and they could pull off the do-over. She goes to the card pile. "Have you ever been in love?"

 _C_ _rap._

She should have been selfish and taken more time on the other question. She's staring down at the card but she can feel Lucas' eyes boring into the top of her head. "I...I mean I'm not sure I know if what I-,"

Then two things happen to interrupt her answer. The alarm on her phone starts buzzing loudly, and the door to her room flies open. Her dad is in the entryway, and his gaze seeks out Lucas immediately. "Mr. Friar you're-,"

"With all due respect sir, I'm not going anywhere today." Lucas cuts him off firmly. He doesn't so much as twitch when her dad steps in to try his usual chase out tactics. "We're in the middle of something important."

"Yeah. You're in the middle of my daughter's room."

"Sir, one of your first lessons when I came to New York was about what we believe in so strongly that we're willing to fight for it. I can't speak for Riley or Maya but I'm in the middle of doing that. So if it gets me in trouble with you, I'll have to live with it, but I'm not leaving until we finish."

Lucas and her father stare each other down when Lucas finishes, and Riley is stunned when her dad gets a knowing glint in his eye and is the one to back off. "All right then. I'll be in the living room. Don't make me regret this." And much like her mother had before, he just leaves.

The trio is left sitting on the floor, the alarm still buzzing and Riley's final question hanging in the air.

After a moment Maya leans forward and taps the alarm off. "So...where were we?"


	3. Chapter 3

I'm so thrilled with the response this fic has gotten! I'm glad everyone is enjoying it.

* * *

"So...where were we?"

"Riley was about to answer her question."

If she had any hope that her friends have forgotten the question she just drew, it goes out the window when Lucas answers Maya with a pointed look thrown in her direction. Riley's not even sure she can explain why she doesn't want to answer this particular question when everyone else in the room already pretty much knows what the answer is going to be thanks to the party, but she knows she doesn't, and she quickly turns to plan B to avoid it. "Actually, the timer was going off, so..." She does her best eyebrow communication across to Maya, silently pleading for her to back her up on this.

Riley realizes, as the innocent look creeps up on her friend's face (Maya is _never_ that innocent), that she should have also included a some less subtle gestures to her ring. "Yeah, but that was just so we'd check in and see how we're feeling, Riles. And if we're doing that, I, for one, _feel_ like we need your answer."

Of course she does. And Lucas is nodding emphatically alongside her.

It's all Riley can do to keep breathing. "I...I-I don't know if what...I mean..."Her mouth and brain stop communicating altogether. All she knows is if she answers the question, if she tells the truth and they confirm their suspicions, nothing will ever go back to the way it was ever again.

"Lucas, could you maybe give us a moment?" After nearly half a minute of her stammering and fumbling, Maya takes pity on her, and lays a hand across her knee.

"This involves all of us."

"It'll only be a minute." Maya assures. When Lucas still doesn't move she sighs and rolls her eyes. "I promise if she answers the question while you're gone I'll fill you in and we can talk all about it. _After_ she and I get a moment alone."

Lucas gets drawn into his second stare down of the day. Unfortunately for him, if there's one thing Maya Hart always wins at, it's a staring contest. She never blinks first. Riley would know; most of her childhood timeouts stemmed from losing a staring contest with her best friend and having to give in to her plans. "Fine." He sighs, voice heavy with frustration, and starting to get to his feet. "I'm thirsty anyways."

"Great. We'll let you know when we're done in here." He leaves and Maya gets up as well. "All right, hon. Bay window, hop on up." She sits on the bench and pats the seat next to her twice.

Riley does as she's told. Not because she's all that eager to have whatever conversation this is going to be, but because having a talk in the bay window, just her and Maya, at least feels normal. Even if she's not sure that she's happy with Maya right now, she'll go to the bay window and talk. The bay window is good for answers, and if there's one thing Riley wants desperately at the moment, it's answers.

"Why don't you want to answer that question, Riles?" Maya asks.

"Maybe I don't know the answer." This reply comes out quick and it's not a total lie. She's fourteen. What does she know about love? When all of her experience comes from listening to her parents' story and two and a half dates? Who is she to call the way she feels about Lucas love?

"I think you do. But you're scared to tell us for some reason. And you don't have to be. No matter what happens, the one thing I know for sure is we're gonna be fine."

"Maya-,"

"Seriously, Riley. If you didn't get mad at me for all the crappy things I just told you about, I'm not gonna get mad at you for how you feel. And Lucas definitely isn't. If you just answer the question, we'll move on and figure out what happens next."

OK, so that makes sense. Maya would never punish her for her feelings, just like she can't punish Maya for hers. That's one less reason in the jumbled mess swimming around her head that Riley has not to answer the question. But that leaves Lucas' reaction. And suddenly Riley realizes how much more that scares her.

Lucas has to have feelings for Maya or he wouldn't have agreed to go out with her, so why would he care now what her feelings are? She may have told the brother lie in Texas to because she was scared of losing him as a friend, but it was also because she knew she wouldn't survive the heartache of having him choose Maya over her. Riley wasn't stupid. She had known the two had chemistry, but until the drama at the rodeo she had assumed that because they didn't think of each other like that, nothing would come of it; then when she figured out the truth about Maya's feelings (or what she realizes now was what she _thought_ was the truth about Maya's feelings) it seemed so clear that it would only be a matter of time before Lucas realized that he'd rather be with his blonde beauty and she'd rather bow out gracefully than eventually hear the words come out of his mouth.

Only now she's doubting that reasoning. If Lucas is into Maya, why weren't his answers obviously about her? Riley has no idea what his answer about beauty meant, but he was looking at _her_ when he gave it. Shouldn't he have been looking at Maya?

And what did Maya mean when Lucas definitely wouldn't be mad? Is that supposed to mean that he _wants_ her to still have feelings for him?

Because as much as Riley doesn't want to answer the question and confirm anything, the fact is that they do already know, thanks to Farkle. He had been very clear on the rooftop. The only reason Maya and Lucas want her to confirm it so badly is so they can officially start the conversation. She's been assuming the conversation would be to cut her out of the friendship, but that's pretty much gone out the window. What if Lucas wants the conversation to be about how his feelings haven't changed either?

That prospect terrifies her more than anything.

"I can't." She says, staring straight ahead. Anything to avoid totally betraying her fears to Maya.

"Why not? I'm not lying Riley. You don't have to worry about anyone freaking out."

"I'm not worried about you freaking out, I'm worried about me freaking out!"

Maya's eyes widen, and Riley feels her cheeks flush. She definitely hadn't meant to have such an outburst. "What do you mean?"

Riley takes a deep breath to even herself back out. Her words still come out shakier than she would like. "All I know is if I answer that question, I'm making something real that I've been trying to convince myself wasn't for _so long_. And if it's real… If it's real everything's going to change."

" _That's_ what you're worried about? Riles, it's not like you're gonna say that you love Lucas and he's gonna drag you down to city hall to get married and then it's back to Texas to make Huckle-bunny babies with you. There will at least be a serious conversation before that happens."

It's a little hard not to feel hurt by how amused Maya sounds or the soft smile on her friend's face. Maya might see things differently, but these have been very real concerns for her; Maya's response makes her feel like she's the little kid making mountains out of molehills. "This is serious Maya. Things have already been changing so much between all of us...And it's caused so many problems. Neither of us felt like we could talk to each other about any of it. Us! What if whatever happens next means we stop talking altogether? I don't want to lose any of you guys."

"Riley, you told me and Lucas more than once that we have to feel what we feel, right?" Maya waits for her to nod before she continues. "And you were totally prepared to stand by us no matter what it was. Are you saying you don't think we'd do the same thing for you?"

"It's a lot harder than-,"

Maya puts a hand on either side of Riley's face and turns her head so they're staring at each other. "Riley Matthews, you need to feel what you feel. If things change, we'll figure it out. But you can't keep sacrificing yourself to keep everyone else happy or just because you're scared. Because you're my best friend. It's you and me until we..." They both do the _bleh_ together out of habit. "And if you're not happy, I'm not happy. Are we clear?"

Riley's stuck thinking about it with Maya still staring and holding onto her cheeks. Talk about pressure. Was Maya's message clear? Totally. Can she go along with it?

Riley could sit and think about that for ages. She knows how to analyze any subject to death, and one that affects her is no exception. There's a lot to consider. But her mom's words from before echo in her head. _You can't go through life basing your choices on what-ifs. That's the only sure way I know you'll end up unhappy._ At the time she couldn't understand how that lesson could possibly help her with her current problems. Now, maybe she can.

"We're clear."

"Good. Let's get Huckleberry back in here."

* * *

"OK, the question on the table is Riley's." Maya says once they're all settled again, in the bay window instead of on the floor this time. "Riley, have you ever been in love?"

Riley still takes a moment to remind herself that her choice is a good one—no matter what comes of it—before she starts to talk. "I have. Or...I am. I mean, I'm not totally sure that I really know what love is or anything, but I know whatever it is I'm feeling is real. It's real, and it's serious, and..." She takes the deepest breath she can manage and turns to face Lucas directly. "And it hurt so much when I tried to push you away and ignore it that I can't imagine it's anything but love."

"Then why'd you do it?"

The next moment is surreal. Riley can feel that Maya's still next to her but the way Lucas is staring at her, it's more like they're the only two in the room. Her heartbeat echoes loudly in her ears. "Because. I was scared. I had all these feelings with no idea what they meant or if you were feeling anything close to what I was. I was worried that when you figured out Maya was an option for you that you'd pick her and I'd get left behind and I was petrified that if we took a chance and things didn't work out that we'd lose each other entirely. I thought that being the one to step back would make it easier and at least we'd get to be friends. And even as I was saying all of that, I was realizing that it was love but...I couldn't go back on what I said."

"And what about now?"

"What about now?"

"If you could take back what you said, would you?"

If only it were that simple. Sure, she may not incur Maya's wrath for having her feelings, but that's still a whole different thing than actually doing anything about them. Riley's still not entirely sure what's going on between her friend and Lucas, but she knows that there's something there. Something that she can't just jump in between. Even if she's starting to think that there's still something lingering in Lucas' feelings for her, that doesn't make it any easier. There are three of them involved in this and it seems like everyone but her only wants to consider two of them at a time. No matter what somebody is gonna get hurt if they do it like that.

Maya jumps in before Riley can fumble out any sort of answer. "Nope. No more follow-ups."

"Maya!"

"Not until we do the check-in thing." Maya shakes her head. "We were supposed to do it before she answered that, and we made her do it anyways. Time to move on."

"But-," The potential stare down between Lucas and Maya cuts off quickly, and he sighs, looking for all the world like he wants to throw his hands in the air. "OK, you're right. So...how do we do this?"

This, Riley can handle. She understood the purpose of the game and she also knows if she asks the question, she doesn't have to be the first person to answer—a definite bonus. "Well, we were playing to see if what we learned would make things less confusing. Are we still confused?"

One beat passes. Then two. Then, "I don't think I am." The quiet response comes from Maya. She runs a hand through her hair when she realizes everyone's looking at her now. "I've been confused because I thought my feelings for you," she gestures towards Lucas, "were romantic and I couldn't understand how we got along so well and had some sort of chemistry before we decided to give it a shot, but the moment we were alone with things out in the open it all went away and things were just uncomfortable. But I think I get it now."

"You do?"

"Yeah. You know how I said I was jealous that there's always something there to take care of you, Riley? So when I was talking about when I started having feelings for Lucas, I realized...it was when he was helping to take care of me. I mistook the feeling of someone I didn't consider family doing something like that as something more, because I had never had it before. And I did start caring more, just not in the way that I thought. I let myself get caught up in everything because the guy I really want is practically impossible and even though it was wrong, at least this was something that _could_ happen."

"So you...don't like Lucas?"

"Not like a boyfriend, just like...a good friend. And I think that's why things got so awkward. We were trying to be something that we just...weren't ever going to be." Maya flashes a wry smile in his direction. "Sorry Ranger Rick."

Riley frowns. This isn't at all what she had been expecting. Maya doesn't really like Lucas, at least not romantically...What does that mean for them? She can understand her friend's confusion over what she was feeling (because it is _so_ weird and disconcerting when you feel something for the first time and aren't sure what it is) but she's still not sure that she can overlook Maya embracing it all when she _knew_ exactly how Riley felt or the way she seemed to do lots of little things to make herself feel better instead of just trying to resolve the situation. That hurts more than anything.

Riley's been working so hard to forget everything she felt for Lucas since Texas. Even though the feelings—the love- has still been there, she's done everything she can think of to try and stop feeling it because Maya was into him. Maya was with him. Why didn't Maya do the same for her?

Which isn't to say that this is Maya's fault. Riley knows she played a part too. Lucas wasn't officially taken. She's the one that was too scared of things becoming serious with Lucas to let things go further. So he was sort of available. And Maya certainly didn't ask Riley to give him up so they could be together; that was all Riley too.

And then there's Lucas' feelings. What does he think about this revelation? It always seemed like he felt the same for Maya that she did for him, but just now he also seemed so interested in _her_ feelings. Which is it?

"That's OK, Maya." He returns the smile, and reaches over Riley to briefly pat Maya's knee. "I'm glad you've figured things out."

"Yeah. It feels pretty good."

"You don't think the two of you could ever happen?" Riley wants to hear the words. She has to be one hundred percent sure this time before she does anything (even if she still has no idea what she might do).

"Not really."

"No." Maya and Lucas answer at the same time. Maya continues. "Even if I hadn't just realized that all we are is friends, the other thing I learned from those questions is that we want completely different things."

"I tried things with Maya because you seemed to want me to really badly, Riley." Lucas adds. "And I didn't want to disappoint you. I thought if being with Maya was what kept you in my life, I needed to give it a shot." He sends Maya an apologetic look similar to the one she gave him. "Which wasn't fair to you." She waves him off, and he turns back to Riley. "But things with her would never work, because, like she said, we want different things. I want something simple and quiet. Something like...what we have."

Riley barely gets a moment to contemplate this before he speaks again.

"So we know what Maya wants, and we know what I want. The only question left is...what do you want Riley?"

What _does_ she want?

Riley's head spins so fast it almost feels like a miracle that she's not throwing up. Maya and Lucas are officially over. That's one less complication to consider. And Lucas thinks it's possible they still have something between them and that's what he wants. That's another question answered.

But that still leaves so much...Yes she loves Lucas, but she still doesn't really know what that means. She doesn't know if she's ready for an actual relationship, or if she just wants to go back to being the unofficial thing, or something in between. She doesn't know that they can really do any of that.

And she can't figure out where this leaves any of her friendships. There's still problems with Maya, with Farkle...even with Lucas. How can she consider her love life when her friend life is still in crisis?

There are so many questions, and even with all of the answers she was just given by the game, Riley can't sort through them all.

"I...I want more time."


	4. Chapter 4

Here's part four. I'm thinking there'll only be one or two more parts after this. Thanks for reading, favoriting, subscribing, reviewing and all of that. It means a lot to me.

* * *

"Dump 'em."

"What?"

"I'm serious, Riles. Dump 'em both. They don't deserve your sunshine."

"Aunt Morgan!"

Two days later and Riley is a day away from no longer being a middle-schooler, but she's no closer to figuring out what she's going to do about anything.

Asking for more time has worked out both better and worse than she had anticipated. On the one hand, Lucas was completely understanding and agreed that since they pretty much ambushed her with the game, it was fair for her to take a day or two to think about everything without any pressure from him. Maya went along with it too...until Riley told her that _she_ was part of what she had to think about. She had tried to explain that it wasn't that she was mad so as that she had so much thrown at her that she couldn't be expected to process it all right then and there. Maya didn't argue with her, but it was obvious how upset she was when she left, which just made Riley feel worse, and she's been stuck in the same vicious cycle of thoughts ever since.

A part of her feels like she should just be happy that the triangle situation between her and Maya and Lucas is pretty much over without any real fights or anything crazy, instead of worrying and feeling upset about something that's over and done with and never quite mattered to begin with. Another part of her feels like if she ignores how she feels about this or what Farkle did (because even though things seem to be working out better than she could have hoped for at the time she she still can't forget how terrible she felt on the rooftop and she doesn't know how to deal with that either) there will always be something lingering in the back of her head. She wants to deal with it all but she has no idea how and the more she thinks about it the more confused she gets.

She keeps thinking about her talk with her mom and the ugly truth she had been told. _The friends you have now are not the friends you're going to have by the time you're my age_. What if this is all the beginning of the end for them?

Riley doesn't want that to be true, but it's starting to feel like if she can't find a solution soon it will be.

When her Aunt Morgan arrives in the city for graduation a day before everyone else and takes her out for a girls' day where they get facials and mani-pedis, Riley quickly decides to use the opportunity to get an outsider's perspective. Over the course of the day she tells the whole story, from meeting Lucas on the subway through to the Honesty Game, skipping over only a few of the less important stories, and by the time they get to a cafe for a late lunch she's asking for Morgan's opinion on what she should do about what's happened with Maya and Farkle.

So far she's not thrilled with her answer.

"Riley!" Morgan imitates her indignant tone.

"Be serious."

"I am. If my best friends humiliated me like that or actively indulged their feelings for someone they knew I was serious about—to the point where literally everyone noticed and thought something was going on—they would be out the door."

Riley has no doubt that Morgan is telling the truth. Her aunt is the definition of a woman who doesn't take poor treatment from anyone or anything; her mom might be the strongest and smartest woman she knows but Aunt Morgan is a close second, and if she were being completely honest, Morgan's life working as a publicist for a major publishing company is much more interesting to her than her mom's as a lawyer. She's always valued Morgan's opinions and advice (she wouldn't have sought it otherwise) she's just not sure that what she's being told now is the best course of action for _her_. After all, she's not sure she would describe what happened in such stark and harsh words, and she's hoping for a solution that will keep her friends in her life. She tells Morgan as much.

"I know." Morgan smiles gently and leans forward in her seat. "And at your age, you're probably right. I doubt they were doing anything with the intention of hurting you. But regardless of intention, you _were_ hurt, and you can't just let that slide."

"So what do I do?"

"You sit down with them and talk and you tell them exactly what they did that bothered you and why." Morgan advises. "You make it clear that you don't want things to change between you guys, but you don't want to be treated like that either."

Riley has to wonder if it could possibly be that easy. "And they'll just...go along with that?"

"There'll probably be a bit more discussion than that...But if they're really your friends and they care about you as much as you care about them, they'll try to understand where you're coming from."

Their waiter delivers their meals and they eat in silence for a couple of minutes while Riley considers the advice she's been given. It makes as much, if not more, sense as anything she's come up with; friends should always care if and why their friends are upset, so if she plans out what she wants to say, it should work out the way Morgan described. That's two problems halfway taken care of. The third, being what to do about Lucas, still feels more complicated.

She knows what her mom said about taking chances.

She also thinks there's a difference between going after something you're sure that you want and something that you feel like you're supposed to.

Riley's still not sure which this is. It's getting easier to admit that she loves Lucas and in a far different way than she loves her brother or any of her friends, but she doesn't know how to separate what she wants because of that, what she expects from it and what everyone else seems to expect, nor does she know how to decide if she's actually ready to go after what she wants. She had mostly thought she was ready the first time around with Lucas and that had ended terribly. If that were to happen again on top of this most recent drama she's not sure they could come up with a third chance.

"What would you do about the Lucas thing?" Her Aunt is rather famous within the Matthews family for being more into two week flings than serious relationships, but Riley asks anyways. She needs an opinion other than her mom's.

"Let's see..." Morgan pops a french fry into her mouth. "If I was still fourteen, and the guy I was head over heels for called me Princess and flat out told me he wanted to be with me..." she pretends to think but nods quickly. "Yeah. I'd definitely kiss him and let him be my boyfriend and make my dad nervous."

Riley laughs; she's heard enough stories about Morgan when she was her age to know that that happened more than once. And it's not hard to imagine something similar happening with her dad. He always gets so worked up over the most innocent things…

She falls back to reality just as quickly. Because that could very shortly be reality. "So you wouldn't worry about everything changing or going wrong?"

"Of course not. But that's because I'm not you." Morgan shrugs. "Everyone's different Riley. You grew up in the shadow of an epic love story that nothing could ever measure up to. And most of the other _real_ relationships you've seen haven't had happy endings. So of course _you_ think about potential problems and wonder if it's even worth trying when the odds are so obviously not in your favor."

"Thanks. That's so inspiring."

Morgan rolls her eyes at Riley's deadpan. "I'm just saying...I know you. You worry about how your experiences compare to everyone else's and think if someone had things happen for them one way then that's the benchmark and how it should or will happen for you. That's why Jack's whiny Rachel story got to you."

"His whiny…?"

"Believe me. You got a shiny, simplified version of what happened with him and her and Eric. She was their roommate for about a day before they both decided they wanted to date her. They weren't friends. Of course after she decided Jack was a better fit for her and they started dating, she and Eric became friends, because he was no longer trying to get into her pants."

Riley might be annoyed by her aunt's crassness, except Morgan barely bothered to censor herself even when Riley was much younger so she's very used to it at this point. And she knows that it's probably the truth.

"But Eric and Jack didn't tell you about any of that. Now I don't know about you, but if I was given the choice between staying friends with my ex whose only interactions with me were based on the relationship or trying to get me into that relationship, or being friends with the guy that I actually got to know outside of that context, I'm choosing guy number two nine times out of ten. And in any case, it doesn't matter what happened with them, because you and Lucas and the other guy that you already dumped _aren't_ them.

"Riles, the best thing you can possibly do for yourself when it comes to love is stop looking at everyone else's relationships and just focus on the one you're in. Enjoy what you have, and instead of borrowing trouble and coming up with problems, just deal with them as they come. There's nothing you can do guarantee a happy ending, but if you try to make things into something they're not you'll pretty much guarantee a bad one."

* * *

Girls' day with Aunt Morgan gives Riley plenty to think about and it makes several things clearer. She's known all along that no matter what happens she doesn't want to lose her friends so following Morgan's example on how to deal with those conflicts makes sense.

She starts with Farkle because that problem seems simpler, and texts him to find out he's at Topanga's just after they wrap up lunch. Morgan agrees to the detour on the way home (she's never seen the coffee shop that her sister-in-law now owns) and is happy to sit with a drink while Riley talks with him. She pulls him off to the side and starts to explain herself, but the conversation goes much quicker than she anticipated. Farkle has an apology ready.

According to him, several people, from Smackle, to Yogi, to Lucas have pointed out that no matter what his intentions were, spilling the truth in front of the whole class like that was the wrong choice. Farkle also adds that he should have known better than to turn a private matter into a public affair because he hates when his parents relationship gets speculated about in their various social circles and handling things like he did was putting Riley, Lucas, and Maya under a similar microscope, just on a different scale. He's so earnest and broken up about it that Riley doesn't waste any time in pulling him into a hug, and accepting; she's confident that he's learned better in case there's next time.

It goes so well with him that she actually feels eager to try and fix things with Maya too. When Riley and Morgan leave the cafe she texts her best friend, asking her for a bay window meeting.

Maya's there waiting by the time she gets home with such a sullen look on her face that Riley almost immediately loses about half of her drive and courage.

"So what's the verdict?"

Riley sits down next to her and resists the urge to just wrap her arms around her friend and tell her everything is fine. It was never her intention to make Maya feel so poorly or worried, but she did need the time to get her head on straight and it would be a lie to say things are OK when they haven't talked things out yet; if she's learned anything over the past few weeks it's that lying to your friends gets you nowhere good.

"Like I told you before, I'm not mad. I just...I wanted to make sure that I understood everything that you told me and I could talk about it with you without getting what I wanted to say all messed up."

"Then we're OK?"

"We might be." Her aunt's warning sticks out in her mind, and Riley's heart pangs that she's even considering the possibility that Maya might not react like the best friend possible, but they're not that far out from playing the Honesty Game. She can still vividly recall the shock and hurt she felt when Maya talked about how she handled her feelings for Lucas and it's hard not to worry that that was only the tip of the iceberg. "Before we played that game the other day I thought you had liked Lucas from when we all met. I just thought you had been stepping back from the beginning. And it hurt to find out that you didn't feel anything for him until over a year later, when he and I already had...whatever our thing was. Just about the only thing I really understand about these kind of feelings is that you don't get to control who you get them for, so I can't say I'm mad at you for it, especially knowing now that you were confused."

When she pauses before continuing, Maya runs her hand through her hair. "Why do I hear a big old but coming?"

"Because..." Riley takes a deep breath. "As much as I believe you can't control your feelings, I think you can control how you handle them. And the way you handled things when you thought you liked Lucas really hurt me. You could have talked to me about it at any time and I would have understood...or at least tried to understand, but you kept it hidden."

"I never would have made a move." She protests. "I was trying to make it all go away."

"Except you weren't. You said yourself that you liked it. And that the reason you didn't talk to me about the yearbook thing was because you felt like if you were right and I thought of him like a brother then you didn't have to feel guilty about liking him."

"Riley, I never thought anything was gonna happen. I didn't want to hurt you over something that-,"

"But you did. I know that you didn't mean to, but it hurt more to figure it all out on my own and have to wonder after the fact if there was a deeper meaning to everything that you did. And then to find out that sometimes there was… Maya you're my best friend. I would do _anything_ to make you happy. But hiding things like this hurts both of us. It makes me think that you don't trust me, or believe that I do want the best for you. And as much as I want things to go back to how they were before all of this….as much as I want to stay your sister forever, I need you to understand that this can't happen again. If you feel something, you should tell me, and if you can't...then maybe we're not as good friends as we think."

Morgan had driven home the point that Riley should be firm; she said that if Riley made it seem like everything was OK when it wasn't or if she let things get swept to the side it would leave the door open for something similar to happen again. Riley decided to go with that before she had even reached out to Maya (she can be a bit of a pushover when she's trying to keep everyone happy and if any lesson has come out of all this it's that that might not always be a good thing) but it's harder than she had thought it would be. Every second that ticks by without a response from Maya makes the doubt creep back up in her mind.

Maya crosses her arms over her chest. "I don't think that."

"Neither do I. And I don't want to."

"I really did think I was doing the right thing." Maya sighs running her hand through her hair again. "I thought that if I told you you'd just get hurt over something that would go away eventually. I never, never in a million years thought you'd realize anything was going on before I had figured things out."

The words are another sting across her heart. How could they go through as much as they had and have Maya still think so little of her? "Peaches, that's the problem. You treat me like I'm a naive child who could never hope to understand any of this unless someone else feeds me the answer. Everyone tries to shelter me like I'm not having the same feelings and going through the same things as the rest of you. And maybe it's to try and protect me but I don't need protecting. I need people who will be honest with me and stand by me like I would with them."

Maya bites her lip. "I'm really sorry I made you feel like that, hon."

"Thank you." Riley reaches over and grabs her hand. "I know you were only doing what you thought was best, but now we both know that that way doesn't work, so it won't happen again, right?"

"Right. Are we OK?"

Riley nods. "We're OK."

And they are. Despite everything, the little lies and slights and all the things that built up to make this mess, Riley has faith that Maya gets it now, and that they both understand each other better. She has to think that their friendship will be stronger for it all. At least once they get past the lingering awkwardness.

After a few moments of silence Maya smiles and nudges Riley gently with her elbow. "So...you've fixed things with me now,"

"And Farkle." Riley adds.

"You've fixed things with me and with Farkle..." She repeats. "Unless I've missed something and you had a problem with Zay, that only leaves Huckleberry to wrap things up with. What're ya gonna do?"

Riley's still doesn't know about that. Morgan's advice on the subject makes sense and dovetails nicely with what everyone else is telling her—that if it's something she wants she should go for it and whatever happens, happens. Farkle in particular is insistent that since they now know that the feelings between her and Lucas are mutual, it doesn't make any sense for them _not_ to be together. But Riley's not sure.

Lucas has been clear about what he wants, that much is true. And Riley knows what she would want in a totally perfect world. Except her world is not perfect, and she can't figure out if hoping that whatever happens will be a good thing, is good enough and worth it. Can she throw herself into something and take the risk that everything will change, for better or for worse?

She exhales heavily and lays her head across Maya's shoulder. "That's a good question."


	5. Chapter 5

This is more of an interlude than a chapter, but it stands alone from what I have planned next so I'm doing them separately. Thanks for reading.

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Riley wakes up early on the morning of her graduation after a semi-restless night with a gift box resting on her forehead. She knows immediately that it's a present from her dad; it's one of his many traditions to sneak into her room early in the morning on important days and leave her something small, but meaningful. Her day already feels a bit brighter just for getting the box.

The gift this time is a necklace. A golden four-leaf clover pendant hanging on a matching chain. Riley doesn't hesitate in slipping it around her neck and she hurries out of bed and down the hall to thank her dad. She finds him sitting alone on the living room couch with a cup of coffee, flipping through one of the family scrapbooks.

"You're making yourself sad by looking at my baby pictures." She leans over the back of the couch and rests her chin on his shoulder, wrapping her arms around him in a loose hug.

Her dad reaches up to return the embrace and kiss her cheek. "My baby girl is graduating middle school today. I'm allowed to make myself sad."

"I'm not going anywhere."

"Just a new school. Where I'm not a teacher. And there'll be parties and dances and you may only be a freshman alternate cheerleader now but before you know it four years will have gone by and you'll be the valedictorian asking your boyfriend to marry you at your high school graduation before you go off to school with all of your friends and I'm left behind a whole state away relegated to grandpa duty. I know the story."

Riley recognizes the story too. Minus the cheerleader part it's her mom and dad's. She sighs as she walks around the front of couch to sit next to him. She still doesn't know what she's going to do about things with Lucas (after fixing things with Maya the day before, the rest of her time had been occupied by welcoming the rest of her family into the city and catching up with them, which had been fun, but hadn't left her very many moments outside of tossing and turning in her bed to think about her potential boyfriend), but she's sure now that no matter what happens, it will be their own story. Not Cory and Topanga's.

"I don't think that's gonna be my story."

Her dad closes the photo album and puts it on the copy table. "Really? The other day it looked like you were working things out."

"We were." Riley nods. "But there's still a lot to think about."

"Well, I for one support taking things slow one hundred and fifty percent. If you want, I can get Mr. Norton to get you some information on the speed of glaciers and you can try and match your speed to that."

Riley rolls her eyes. "And if anything does happen with me and Lucas," she continues, ignoring her dad's comment, "we're going to be doing our own thing. Not anyone else's."

" _That_ sounds like a very smart decision." Her dad slips his arm around her shoulder and pulls her close into his side. "You know Riley, I may not always agree with the choices you make, but you're still growing up and learning. When you look back on things you might not agree with all of them either. But I want you to know that I'm very proud of the young woman you're growing up to be. You're on the right track, and even though you might make mistakes, as long as you stay on this path, I think you'll end up exactly where you're supposed to be."

His words are a far cry from the moments in the classroom, when he called her point of view nuts, and Riley's heart swells. It's been hard not to feel alone in her decisions with everyone's reactions being what they were. There's been a lot of "that's crazy" and 'why would you do that?" and not a lot of real conversation to explain any of it. Until the past few days, it's felt like no one was even trying to understand where she was coming from, and even if her dad isn't specifically referring to what she did stepping back from Lucas, it's a relief to hear that he doesn't think she's done anything too wrong or irreparable.

"Thanks Daddy. That means a lot." Riley says. "And thank you for my necklace." She reaches up with one hand to finger at the clover pendant. "It's beautiful."

"You're welcome. You know, I spent a long time thinking about the inscription."

Riley frowns and flips the pendent over in her hands. She had been in such a rush to put it on that she hadn't even noticed any engraving, but sure enough there are words stamped on the other side of the clover.

 _Dream. Try. Do good._

"I was going to go with 'People Change People', since that's been so important this past year, but then I remembered this." Her dad continues. "It's the last thing Mr. Feeny taught us before we left for New York. And it's one of the most important things I've ever learned."

The words roll through her head. _Dream. Try. Do Good._ Riley can understand them easily enough, at least she thinks she can, but she doesn't understand why her dad would find it more important than what he told them was the secret of life, or why he would want to teach it to her now. It stands to reason that the key must be in the last part; she doesn't know Mr. Feeny very well, compared to her parents, but she knows how long he was a teacher and that bad grammar without purpose wouldn't make sense. "Shouldn't it be, 'do well'?"

"Nope. You should always have dreams and hopes, Riley. You should always try to make those dreams and hopes happen. And whatever you do when you're out in the world, it should be the sort of thing that makes the people and the world around you better. Dream. Try. Do Good. I couldn't think of anything more important for you to carry with you as you get ready to move on to high school."

Riley drops the pendant down and it thuds against her chest. It all seems so simple. Have a dream, try and make it happen, do what you can to make the world a better place. A moment later her heart catches up with her brain and it starts pounding. Adrenaline thrums through her system. She hugs her dad again, thanking him for the necklace and the lesson and then hops to her feet. She needs to start getting ready.

The sooner she gets ready, the sooner she can call Lucas. Maybe he'll be able to meet her early at the school before the ceremony, or they can get drinks at the bakery and talk. And Riley is definitely ready to talk. Mr. Feeny's lesson definitely feels more important now than people change people.

Now she understands what she wants. And she can't wait to talk to Lucas about it.


	6. Chapter 6

This is the final section of this fic and I just wanted to thank everyone. The response to this story has been so incredible and heartwarming and I really appreciate that all of you took the time to read it, especially those of you who favorited, subscribed and reviewed. You're the best!

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"Come on. Give me a hint."

Riley ignores her uncle's gentle elbow into her side while she scans the room at Topanga's, searching for where Lucas has ended up. Talking to him about the conclusion she had reached that morning has so far been a total bust. Her parents had insisted on a family-only breakfast, that had lasted right up until she and her dad had to leave to get to the school on time. Even if they hadn't, when she tried texting Lucas, his response had indicated similar obligations with his parents. Then everything in the gym before the ceremony was so loud and chaotic (between kids trying to take a million pictures with their friends and seemingly forgetting where they fall in the alphabet for the lineup the place is practically a zoo) that it was nearly impossible to even find who you were looking for, never mind pull them aside for a private conversation; by the time Riley managed to get a hold of Lucas she barely had time to get his name out before they made the final announcement for everyone to line up and they had to separate.

After the ceremony was even worse because everyone's family was joining in on the chaos. Riley had thought she might finally be able to grab him at the party her parents were hosting for her friends and their families at the cafe, but so far that's been just as bad. There have been pictures to take and relatives to talk with and even when her parents manage to relax a little and let her start mingling in the party on her own, Lucas' parents still seem very interested in clinging to their son.

"Morgan said you've been thinking about if you're going to make things serious with him, and I know you were trying to text him during breakfast. I just wanna know if I have to pull him aside to give him a reminder that your very smart, protective, _strong_ uncle is moving to the city this summer and will be around if anything were to happen to-,"

"Don't you dare!" Riley spins on her heels, poking a finger against Josh's chest. She's totally opposed to those sorts of talks not to mention how embarrassing it would be. She's taken more than her share of humiliation the past few weeks and won't stand by and let any thing else happen to make it worse.

Josh grins and wriggles his eyebrows. "So you're _not_ gonna tell him that you want to be Mrs. Howdy of the Friar Howdys of Texas?"

"I'm not gonna tell _you_ anything about what I'm gonna tell him until after such a time I've had a chance to actually tell him."

She goes back to searching the room for Lucas. Maya's sitting with Katy and Shawn in the bench window, the Minkus family is talking with her grandparents, Zay and his dad are showing Auggie and a few of the other younger kids a magic trick, and Lucas...is in a conversation with both of his parents and Pappy Joe. Their eyes meet across the room and he smiles, raising his hand halfway up his body to wave. Riley returns the look and the gesture, and when Lucas turns back to his family a few seconds later she feels herself deflate and she sighs. There's no good reason she can come up with to drag him away from that.

Josh's eyes dart between her and Lucas. "OK, Uncle Josh comes sweeping in for the rescue."

"What?"

"You wanna talk to him, don't you?"She nods. "Head out back to the storage room," Josh instructs. "I'll have him back there with you in five minutes."

He starts to step away but Riley reaches out and grabs his arm. "Josh!" She hisses, trying to be mindful of her volume; the last thing she wants to do is attract everyone's attention. "What are you gonna do?"

"Relax, I'll be totally cool. I won't say anything that even implies you're ready to tell him how dreamy you think he is. Even though if the stories I'm hearing are true that memo is long past sent."

"Josh!"

"Riley, chill. I've got your back. Just go back to the storage room. I'll come up with a subtle, completely non-threatening way to get Prince Charming to visit you and you can talk about whatever it is you need to talk about."

Riley drops her grip on his arm. At the end of the day, Josh has always looked out for her, and she has no reason not to trust him now. And it's more of an idea than she's been able to come up with. "Five minutes?"

"Maybe less if you get going."

She glances towards Lucas one last time, and finds him completely involved in his conversation, and that her father has now joined. "Let's do it." Riley leaves Josh, ducks behind the counter and through the 'employee's only' door that brings her to a short narrow hallway. She turns to the left and goes through another door, into the storage room.

Inside she can't help but pace. She uses her phone to check that she looks OK, has to stop her self twice from biting her nails and when more than a minute passes and Lucas still hasn't shown up, Riley starts to practice what she's going to say. It's not that she's nervous about her choice (for the first time in a long time she actually feels 100% sure that she's doing the absolute right thing) but she can't stop herself from worrying that something will have changed for Lucas. Maybe these few days of quiet have given him the time to realize that he doesn't see things the way he said playing the Honesty Game, or maybe he just won't like her idea. Running through her thoughts while she walks back and forth in the small space is the only way she can come up with to stay calm.

"I don't ever want to lose you as a friend, Lucas, which is why I've been so scared about taking things to the-" She shakes her head and starts over. "I started worrying about what would happen with us if things didn't work with us when everyone started telling these stories about-,"

The door swings open and Riley stops in her tracks, spinning around. Lucas steps in, frowns slightly when he sees her and the door shuts behind him.

"You kids have fun!" Josh's voice travels through the door. "Respect each other!" He taps the door twice, and then Riley can just barely hear her Uncle's footsteps as he leaves.

The corners of Lucas' mouth quickly turn back up. "I'm guessing Josh doesn't actually need help bringing some cases of soda out to the party?"

"No, he was just…doing me a favor." Riley says. She brushes her hair behind her ear. "I've been trying to talk to you all day, but every time we get close..."

"Something happens." Lucas finishes for her. "I noticed that." He shrugs out of his blazer, and lays it across the top of a stack of boxes in the corner that looks like maybe it hasn't been touched since her mom took over the bakery. He sits on a second stack about a foot away. "What did you want to talk about?"

"Us." Riley takes the seat he made for her in the silence that follows her answer. She starts wringing her fingers in her lap and makes an effort not to stare at the them. "I still owe you an answer. And I want to tell you why it was so hard for me to decide. Having you in my life is really important to me, Lucas, and I've been scared that if we try dating again and it doesn't work out that-,"

"That we'd break up and not like each other any more, because that's what happens next. It's what people do." Lucas cuts her off, nodding. "I know. You told me that in Texas."

She quirks her head to the side. The words strike her too much not to be the ones she said. "You remember that?"

He nods. "I remember everything you said in Texas. It's hard not to."

"Right." Her cheeks heat up. Of course he remembers everything from then. Why would the universe be kind to her and let him forget so she could stick with what she had planned when it could make her fumble over herself and look like an idiot. "The, um, stories I heard really got into my head. And I over think things all the time anyways. You know that."

"I do. I also know that we're not any of those people. We get to decide what happens with us, no one else."

Riley glances down at her lap. It's really not fair how he makes it sound so simple when it had taken her weeks to realize that. She's not upset with him for it, he's always had more faith in them and had a better understanding of these sorts of things. If anything, it makes her upset with herself for not trusting in him more and talking about everything before things had gotten this far. "Yeah, I finally get that." She says when she looks back up. "But it was hard for me to see. And even after...I still felt like we would be risking everything—something amazing—if we changed things between us."

She grabs the clover pendant hanging around her neck and smiles. "Then my dad gave me this this morning."

"Yeah I saw it." Lucas matches her smile, but it's not hard to see the question behind his eyes. "It's really nice."

"It also came with a lesson." She turns the necklace so he can see the text. "Dream. Try. Do Good."

"That sounds like a good lesson."

"Yeah. Have dreams, go for them, and above all, try to make the world a better place." Riley pauses, releases the pendant and takes a deep breath. This is the big moment. The point of no return. "The other day I couldn't answer when you asked me what I want. But I can now."

"And…?"

"I want us."

Lucas doesn't say anything. He doesn't move, he barely blinks. He just stays, staring at her with the same half-hopeful smile on his face. It's only that smile that keeps the relief Riley feels finally getting everything out from rushing back into her stomach and turning back into icy tension; surely if he didn't like what she had said the smile would go away.

Still the silence is killing her, so she starts to explain herself further, just to fill it. "The biggest dream I have right now is just to be happy. The happiest I've been this past year was with you, and that's where I want to be. And I don't know if being with you will make the world better or anything but I know that when I'm with you, you make _me_ better, and maybe if somehow I make _you_ better too then we can just make each other better and we'll figure out a way to help the world together, and I want that."

There's still no answer and Riley keeps talking, even though she's getting more nervous. "I want to figure out how all of this works with you. I want to hold hands with you and go to dances, and...and it's probably gonna move a lot slower than I'm making this sound because I still want to be sure we're doing things right and not just doing what it feels like we should be doing like we did before, but even taking things slow, I don't want there to be anymore confusion. Between us or other people. Whether we decide that we're boyfriend and girlfriend, or just together, or dating, or...even if it's just as fr-,"

"Riley," Lucas cuts her off, his smile finally growing. He takes a hold of her hands. "I want us, too."

"You do?" The weight that had been falling back down onto her shoulders rockets up again.

"Of course I do. I never stopped. Everything you just said about making each other better...I've known for a long time that I'm who I am now because you walked, or rather fell, into my life. You always believe in me, and all I ever want to do is be good enough that you keep looking at me like that." He reaches over and brushes a strand of hair away from her face.

Riley's stomach flutters. As much as she had felt good about her choice as she reached it this morning, as much as she thought she understood her mom's advice about taking risks being worth it if it was something that you really wanted, she still had been petrified just moments ago that she hadn't figured things out the right way. That maybe everything she had thought was totally wrong and Lucas was only staring because he was trying not laugh or needed a moment to figure out how to let her down gently.

But now, with Lucas holding her hand and sounding so sweet...it's enough to make everything except for the two of them just go away and make even the storage room seem romantic. Riley almost feels like she understands what her dad means when he talks about looking at her mom and being certain that she was the one and that they'd always find a way to work things out. She looks at Lucas now and he seems so secure that it's almost impossible not to have that same hope, even if it does scare her.

"I will _always_ keep looking at you like that." She promises. "As long as you're you."

"I like that deal." He pauses. "And I'm OK with slow. As slow as you want. I think if we've learned anything lately it's that the only way any sort of relationship works is if we're totally honest with each other. So we'll have to keep talking about what we're OK with. What we want. Just..."

Riley waits for him to continue, but nothing comes. "Just what?"

"Just let me do this." One of Lucas' hands goes to her shoulder, the other cups her head gently behind her ear, and he pulls her close into a kiss.

They pull apart, and Riley can't stop herself from grinning. " _That_ can definitely happen every once in a while."

He mirrors her, grabbing onto her hand once again. They interweave their fingers. "And you already mentioned hand-holding and dances...I think all that's left for right now is deciding _what_ exactly we are. And I don't know about you, but I know what I want for that too."

"Yeah?"

"If we promise to take things slow, and talk, and just be ourselves...I'd really like to walk back out there and tell everyone that you're my girlfriend."

The words still make her freeze, even if it's what she wants. The way things had been going, she never thought it could have actually happened. Despite their whole conversation and the kiss, Riley still has to pinch herself to make sure she's not dreaming. And when she doesn't wake up or have reality shift around her, she realizes that she still has to say something.

"I think...if we promise to take things slow, and talk, and just be ourselves...I'd really like to walk back out there and tell everyone that you're my boyfriend."

"Then that's what we'll do."


End file.
